Why I don’t care

I was brought up to care. To care about what people thought of me. To care about the feelings of others. To care about my appearance and the facade I portrayed to the world. When something is drilled into your mind that much, it becomes all you know. No one taught me to value the inner me and to pay attention to my own wants and needs. After all, if i’m good to others, they’ll be good to me…right? Ha! Hardy… har.. har!

34 years later, I’ve learnt not to give a hoot, a rat’s behind, a farthing…I’ve learnt not to give a damn. It’s true what they say about not being able to please all the people all of the time. But here’s what: Why is it that you should even care that much about PLEASING anyone? I’m not saying go out there and be the baddest bitch that you can. I’m also not saying that you should walk over people and take their feelings for granted. What I am saying is that you should please YOURSELF first. Being selfish is not a bad thing and certainly not in this wretched world where it’s all man for himself.

Too often we spend our entire lives sitting  on the damn fence. You don’t want to offend this one, you’re scared of saying something untoward about that one and why?…Because they won’t like you?! WHO BLOODY CARES? At this point in my life, I am civil to most. I respect everyone’s opinions, religion, gender (because it’s mixed up these days), and way of life in general. I treasure and appreciate the very, very few people in my life who contribute to my happiness. I am indifferent to many and as for hate…hmm…for me to detest your soul, you must have REALLY F@#ked up. Unfortunately, I can count those miserable individuals on less than one hand. Don’t worry though, they are pushed way back into the recesses of my mind. I don’t dwell on them. They never deserved my time anyway.

If I love you, you have ALL of me and everything that I represent. I will stop at nothing to avenge you and I’ll do everything in my power to color your life beautiful and happy. If I merely dislike you, i’ll stay out of your way and you better have enough sense to stay out of mine. Again, if I hate you, YOU’LL KNOW…TRUST ME. I’m not a fence sitter. I pick sides and I don’t care who agrees with my choice or not. I don’t believe in being a hypocrite. How does that benefit anyone?

I’m true to me and you should follow suit. How many times have you jumped over bridges for people who didn’t even step over a puddle for you? Many times i’m sure.  I’m also sure the goody goody universal creatures will argue that I “shouldn’t hate” and I “should be kind to everyone, regardless of how they treated me” and that “karma will take care of them”. Uh huh…sure. Don’t get me wrong. I love karma. It’s real and it will bite you in the ass, if that’s what you deserve. But I also don’t see the point in pretending. If I don’t like you, get over it. You won’t die. How many people have I given my time, effort, love and devotion to, who just didn’t give a damn about me? Ummm….SEVERAL! I don’t forgive and forget. If you’re big enough to knowingly hurt me, then you should be large enough to deal with the consequences, whatever they may be.

I am a darling, fun to be with, funny, witty and charming. If you’re good to me, you’ll get the same in return. Mind you, I have a short fuse and don’t tolerate bullsh!t. I will call you out on it. No, I wasn’t always like this. I was the sweet, lovable pushover, raised to turn the other cheek and treat my enemies like kings…..SCREW THAT! I am NOT my mother. No longer will I bend to other’s whims because I’m scared of ‘what people will think’. No longer will I cower because I was raised to think that certain people are better than me. People will be treated as they deserve to be. Zero pretensions!

Life is too short to worry about what others think. By all means, help out whenever you can and be kind but DON’T be taken advantage of. These days, people will take and take until you have no more to give and then…they’ll leave you without so much as a second thought. It’s a different time we’re living in. Do something nice for yourself every day. Take a drive, cook a meal, wear that ridiculous outfit that no one likes but you. You are a unique being, placed on this earth for a specific purpose and for a limited time. Be an original, not a carbon copy of anyone else. Mind your business. Take naps. Treat yourself, but don’t squander your money. Beware of the leeches, the users, the sponges–those whose sole purpose is to criticize and suck the living daylights out of you. Live your life on your own terms and of course, Pray, pray, PRAY. There are invisible beings all around us just waiting to be let in. But whether you encourage the darkness or embrace the light, is an entirely different story and left for another day. I’ve been to both worlds. Wouldn’t you like to hear what transpired? Maybe I care…but maybe, just maybe, I…